On Reciting the Vow
Posted on June 12, 2005 by Peter Horan
Because of my 9-5 job, my regular volunteer day is Saturday, when there's only the store to run and the odd workshop. The way the store is set up is with an "office" that sits roughly three feet above the heads of an adult customer. Everything I need to tell them is done through my microphone, powerfully echoing throughout the store and discernable in the back room as well. Anything they say to me needs to be fully and confidently projected with their naked vocals. This includes the Vow of Heroism, which is required to be recited by all paying customers:
I [your name],
also known as [your superhero name],
promise always to use my superpowers for good.
I promise to use the items I've purchased here today
safely, and in the name of justice.
I promise to remain ever vigilant, ever true.
Easy enough, right? You'd be surprised. Among children, there's a certain age bracket and degree of natural shyness that goes along with their willingness and ability to recite the vow themselves out loud.
Among teenagers and adults, the lines are yet finer. If the dad has come in with his son or daughter, chances are he's happy and engaged enough to either shamelessly recite it himself or help the kid out if he or she has trouble. The couple with smaller children who are busy enough firing the Particle Rifle or suspisciously eyeing Grappling Hooks have mostly likely spent enough time in the store to comfortably represent the child and say the vow on his or her behalf (this is called acting as "Super-Power of Attorney"). Teens are trickier—some of them might have to be cajoled a bit by friends or the microphone ("I'm sorry, this booth is almost soundproof—you'll have to speak up so I can hear, please"). Most are happy to embrace the awkward situation and literally belt out the vow, perhaps giving a little salute at the end. This kind of thing warms my heart.
But let's take another breed of customer: looks 20-something, maybe he's wearing designer jeans, a short leather jacket and a pair of dark-rimmed glasses (or even reflectors...INDOORS!); maybe he's unshaven and touts a messenger bag...WATCH OUT! This hipster may give you trouble. Late 20s/early 30s, long dark hair underneath a trucker hat, wearing flannel and corduroy? Another red-alert: chances are he's mealy-mouthed and stubborn, and would sooner leave his sought-after purchase at the store than risk saying anything out loud in public (this has happened).
It never makes me happy to have to nearly berate someone over a microphone to adhere to a trivial issue of store policy...okay, so it gives me a little pleasure to do it to hipsters, but so far these are the only species of customer that have resisted the vow. "Even children say it..." I tell the stubborn people. And I think that's an important lesson we can learn from children whose hands are too small for the Gigantor Gloves and aren't allowed to buy the Particle Rifle.
Even when they've only bought a simple mask and maybe some rings, they still are excited enough to want to avow, to stand firmly behind an oath, to swear to be good and vigilant, even if they sometimes pronounce it "viligant."
And, personally, that's all I need to hear so I can ring them up.
Posted by Peter Horan