Stinky Cheeseman

by Alex, age 7

Written during Drop-In Tutoring

October 2006

One day, there was a cheeseman. He had bacon for a mouth, and he had two circle crackers for eyes. One day he went out to get some errands. He bought milk and what he used to eat was only hotdogs with no buns. Then he met a person made from ham. He had ham for a head and for his body. He had salami for arms and legs, and he had a sausage for a mouth. And he was a vegetarian.

One day they both went to the movies. Now they were friends. The movie they were watching was Star Warts. And then they did everything together. Then they became fry cooks together. They worked at a restaurant named Fresh Meat. They had burritos, they had burgers, they had fries. They even had chicken fries and meat fries. Actually, meat man's name was Hammish, because he was made from Ham.

One day Meatman was the fry cook, and Cheeseman was the cashier, so they worked and worked very hard. Then one day they both wanted to make a horror movie. They both liked horror movies or something with lasers. So they made it.

Meatman was the actor, because he looked much, much scarier than Cheeseman. They just added a costume for Hammish. They put more meat on him. They put a dead chicken on him, they put salami all over his body. On top, they put some gravy dripping down his head. And most of all, they put mittens on his hands. And then they were ready.

Then they shot the movie. The movie was supposed to scare anybody who walked by them, they scared everybody in the restaurant. One day there came this tough man, and he wanted a monster burger, but they tried to scare him. But then he got so mad that he beat Hammish up. Then he told Mozzarella (Cheeseman) to run, run, run, don't look back.

But then he looked back, and he said: "Hammish, are you all right?"

And then Hammish said, "I think so." And "I wish I was made from broccoli." And "Where is he?" and he turned around and went: "Auughh!!!!" and screamed like a baby. And then he beat him up to death. Then they went to the hospital and stayed there for a day. They were okay. It just hurt. But then sold their tape to Hollywood Video. Then they became directors and it was based on a true story. And they felt great. And then they went back to work, and made more burgers and never, never messed with a big guy again.